~Palamity, LLC

You can find Palamity at their website, instagram, and facebook.

There were 5 or 6 of us huddled on the sidewalk that circles the park. It was 50 degrees and sunny, and we had all decided to meet at the playground as this kind of weather in the middle of January is too good to let pass without some time outside. I had met these other mothers before, but we were all just beginning to learn about each other. No one knew my story, because I hadn’t shared it yet. The conversation turned to childbirth, and I began to feel a little anxious. I tried not to make eye contact with anyone...and then it happened. Someone asked me if I had an epidural when my twins were born. In my mind, I quickly weighed the options. Tell the truth and risk taking the conversation down a depressing road, or tell a lie.  These types of questions just make me uneasy. I understand that the person asking them is just trying to include me in the conversation, but I always feel like I’m put in an awkward place. I decide to go for the truth. I responded that I actually had a spinal block because I needed an emergency c-section at 28 weeks. The laughter and chatter of the group paused, someone said I’m sorry and then the topic of conversation changed. 

Several days later, I was sitting in the designated parents’ area, waiting to retrieve my kids from their daily activities. A small group of moms were standing around a woman who was clearly very pregnant. She was describing her discomfort and commiserating with the other ladies gathered there. As I approached I heard them comparing end of pregnancy symptoms and I almost turned around and headed the other way. But it was too late and I had already been brought into the conversation. In my head, I was thinking that I would have loved to have made it to the uncomfortable phase of pregnancy. That no physical discomfort can compare to the emotional anguish that having a baby in the NICU brings. But I won’t say anything, not today.

It can be very hard to share your story with people that haven’t lived through the NICU. I want to be brave and open up about what my family went through, because I know it helps others. But my experiences are often met with sadness and pity.  It can change the mood of a conversation from humorous and fun, to depressing with a simple mention of the NICU. And while that is understandable, that is not how I view the birth of my preemie twins at all. From the outside, it’s often difficult to imagine the beauty and wonder that watching a tiny baby fight for their lives can bring. A journey that has provided me with the invaluable gift of perspective and gratefulness. My story and all NICU stories are the ultimate tales of hope and triumph over adversity. And these stories make a difference to new preemie parents everywhere, who are entering NICUs for the first time. So while it might be difficult to share please remember that the messenger matters, and your story can only be told by you.

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Winter can prove to be a challenging time for kids and parents alike. There are not as many opportunities to get outside and burn off that extra energy. And many of the indoor activities that we all enjoy, are not available this year due to Covid restrictions. It seems like some toys actually cause my twins to disagree because there are not enough of them to go around. I am vowing to not rely on screens (too much) this season, so I have been researching great interactive toys to keep my twins engaged and happy.

 HapiNest Turtle Stepping Stones
This is a fun toy that will keep your kids moving and help with balance, coordination, and gross motor skill development.  They are very sturdy and can be used outside, however we reserve ours for indoor play. The set comes with activity cards and several games to play. The multiple stepping stones ensure everyone gets their fair share, and my twins are able to create many imaginary games with this open-ended toy (see video below for more info). I reached out to Hapinest and asked for a discount code and they obliged! So until the end of January (2021) you can use code TOY21 to receive 20% off the whole site!

Subscription Boxes
I really like these subscription box services that send a new collection of activities, books, or toys each month. And with so many different options, you can find something that aligns with your child’s interests. It’s also fun to get mail!

Kinetic Sand
If your twins enjoy sensory play, then kinetic sand is for you. I find it to be far less messy than bins of rice or play-doh. And if you are really mess adverse, plop the kiddos in the tub to make it a mess free activity. I also like that by using different add-ins (small dinosaurs, people, etc.) you have an entirely new activity.

Portable Party Light
This has been the MVP of quarantine. We have weekly dance parties and this portable party light really makes our discos (as my twins call them) super fun (see video below for more info).  

Marble Run
If your twins like legos and blocks, try a marble run. Your twins can build separately or together. I love that this toy helps kids improve problem solving skills in a creative way. My only suggestion is to make sure you have plenty of marbles.

Books
Of course I’m not going to make a list of screen free toys without including books. My twins really love this book (Wildlives), because it has short interesting stories about actual animals. It is a book we read over and over.

Hopefully this list will give you a few ideas that can help your twins enjoy a (mostly) screen free winter!

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*This post is not sponsored. This is just my honest opinion.
There are very few baby items that I still use today. But these three bath products have not only stood the test of time, but they are still things we use everyday. Watch as I tell you all about these three baby bath products.

 “Everything will be ok in the end. And if it’s not ok, then it’s not the end.”


I’m not sure where I heard this quote for the first time, but soon I adopted it as my own. It became my infertility mantra. I repeated it as I gave myself my first injection. I whispered it as I rolled up my sleeve to reveal my bruised arm, black and blue from daily blood draws. I screamed it as I fell to the floor sobbing after receiving yet another negative outcome. There were so many times over the course of my 3.5-year infertility battle that I didn’t believe those words, and yet I clung to them because at times it felt like it was all I had left. 


Infertility took a lot from me. Receiving an unexplained infertility diagnosis at 30 years old was a shock. I had no medical or family history to suggest that I would have trouble conceiving. In fact, by all accounts, my family was full of fertile people who became pregnant with little effort. For 3.5 years I lived in the secret gray area that undergoing fertility treatment creates. An in-between state where the present is a painful series of failures and the future seems hopeless. Where your every thought, plan, and dollar goes toward a dream that might not ever come true. 


Infertility robbed me of my joy. I am ashamed to say how hard it was to be happy for my dear friends and family when they announced a pregnancy. It’s not that I didn’t want that for them—it’s that I wanted a turn as well. On special occasions and holidays, it was hard to celebrate when I was longing for something that was so far out of my control. It was a lonely time. I had the support of my partner, but that was it. Through the majority of my struggle to become pregnant, I didn’t have a community of women to talk to who had been through this experience. 


Infertility removed the hope I had and replaced it with fear. Fear of my life looking different than I had always imagined. Fear of the worst thing continuing to happen, because once you have had such heartache you assume it will always be the norm. Infertility took up so much of my time. Years that I will never get back. Promotions that I never took, because that month it might work. Experiences that I never had because every extra dollar was earmarked for treatment. And I certainly tried them all! We started with a conservative approach, but over the years I ended up sampling a little bit of everything from multiple IUIs, to acupuncture, to exploratory surgery, and finally to multiple IVF cycles.  


Yes, infertility sure takes a lot.
But it gave me something as well. It gave me the chance to be there from the very beginning. To know my children from the very start. To hold a photo of my babies when they were nothing more than a few little cells, and pure potential. To be aware of the exact moment when my child’s life began. 


Infertility gave me perseverance. I have been brought to my knees from the physical pain that is infertility treatments. I have searched my body for an unbruised spot to give myself yet another injection. I have sat in my car and cried over bad news on my lunch break from work. And yet, I never stopped trying. I never felt ok with the way it was, so I knew it wasn’t the end. So month after month, year after year I picked myself up and did it all again. 


Infertility gave me the gift of perspective.  When I finally did get pregnant after a second IVF cycle, I found out I was having identical twins. I was overjoyed and terrified.  I had been dreaming of that moment for so long, and yet it was hard to relax and enjoy a high-risk pregnancy. The majority of my pregnancy was uneventful until around 27 weeks. I was admitted to the hospital for signs of early labor, and eight days later, I delivered my twins via emergency c-section. I was only 28 weeks along.


For the next two months, I had two babies in the NICU. It was so hard, but in many ways, the struggles of infertility prepared me for the humbling days in the NICU and life after discharge. If being infertile, and the treatments and heartache were what I needed to endure in order to approach parenthood from a place of gratitude, then it was all worth it. Because when it all comes unglued (and it certainly does) I can look around and smile and think I’m so grateful that I get to experience the mess, and the noise, even the tantrums. I wouldn't be where I am, or who I am without this experience. It took so much from me and yet gave me, my everything.
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I know my “ending” was a happy one, with two healthy babies. I recognize that this is not always the case. But my hope for anyone dealing with the hell that is infertility is that if you are at the end of your infertility journey, you are okay with the outcome. I hope you are at a place or are working towards a place, of peace with how it all turned out, and excitement for the wonderful life that lies ahead...with or without children.

My preemies’ first “outfit” was not a family heirloom or a super cozy sleeper. It wasn’t even something that I picked out. 
The first thing that my babies wore were tiny knitted hats of soft pastel yarn that had to be handmade by a volunteer because their heads were too small to fit store-bought hats. A hat was the only thing my babies could wear for weeks after their birth. 
Something that I didn’t realize before my twins were born at 28 weeks and admitted to the hospital, was that babies in the NICU do not wear clothes. The sickest and smallest of babies are only in specially designed preemie diapers, the tiniest diapers you can even imagine, that are still too big for some. They don’t need clothing for warmth, as they are in a climate-controlled incubator. The clothing only gets in the way of the leads, wires, and tubes that are necessary to keep these little ones alive. 
Seeing my bare babies was another reminder of how this wasn’t typical. It was a visual cue that I was not a normal parent, and I couldn’t do the very basic task of dressing my babies. 
Before our NICU experience, I never thought my babies’ first piece of clothing would be considered a milestone. I had thought about finding a special outfit for leaving the hospital. But I never thought I would be so emotional over a tiny white cotton button-up sleeper until the day I arrived at the NICU and saw my babies in clothing for the first time. When a NICU baby is finally allowed to wear clothes, it is a big deal! It meant that they were getting better, growing, and requiring less medical intervention. It meant that I would be able to change their clothes, and for a brief moment, I would feel like a normal parent. I could momentarily forget about the wires and tubes, the monitors and machines, and just enjoy this nurturing moment with my child. 
Years later, I still have the tiny preemie clothes that my kids wore in the NICU. I keep thinking that I should donate them, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. They are so much more than sleepers and onesies, they are a symbol of all my family has been through. And it’s not just those preemie clothes that are special to me. Anytime they grow out of a pair of jeans or size up in a new shirt, I’m reminded how far they have come and how much they have accomplished just by being alive.
There are certain milestones that every parent dreams about, like the day their child starts walking or says their first word. But if you are the parent of a NICU baby, you quickly learn about a whole new set of milestones that you never even knew existed. Milestones in the NICU are measured in grams and milliliters. So if you are not naturally a person who notices and celebrates the smallest of victories, you soon will become one. 
A NICU baby has a lot of milestones to conquer well before the first steps are even considered. And while drinking their first bottle or wearing clothes for the first time might not seem like something special, for NICU babies, these accomplishments are sure something to celebrate.

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I never packed an overnight bag for the birth of my babies. At 27 weeks, I was put on unexpected bedrest and spent the next 8 days at the hospital. I was admitted after a routine OB appointment, so I didn’t have time to collect items that would have made my stay more bearable. On the 8th day, my twins were born prematurely and taken to the NICU where they stayed for the next 2 months. During that time, I developed an all-day everyday NICU routine. The hospital that was caring for my babies had a “traditional” NICU that didn’t allow for a private room or space for parents to stay the night. It became a daily task to pack a bag with the things I would need to survive the day at the NICU. Here was what helped me care for myself and my babies during this time.

Loose-Fitting Clothes
Life in the NICU was stressful, so I made sure my outfit was not. Comfortable pants that didn’t rub against my c-section scar were a must. I also wore oversized shirts or tops that could be unbuttoned to facilitate kangaroo care and frequent pumping sessions. I always wore freshly laundered clothes to help prevent the spread of germs to the NICU.

Journal/ Notebook
There is a lot of important information to keep track of in the NICU. I had a small notebook that I used to jot down questions I wanted to ask the health care staff. I also used this book to record my babies’ milestones and accomplishments. There are also several organizations that make journals specifically for the NICU experience that are great to have around.

Camera
The birth of my twins certainly didn’t go as I had expected, but these were still memories that I wanted to remember. I used my phone to snap photos, and occasionally I would bring my DSLR camera into the NICU as well. I guarantee you will be so happy to have those photos to look back on.

Food/ Water
As a pumping mama, I needed a constant supply of food and water. I didn’t want to leave the floor to go to the cafeteria, and sugary snacks from the vending machine left me unsatisfied. I packed healthier snack options and lots of water.

Toiletries
After hours at the hospital, I sometimes felt disheveled. At those times, I really appreciated having a small bag of toiletry items like a comb, toothbrush, and facial wipes. I also always needed chapstick. The hospital air can be extremely drying. 

Pumping Supplies
When I was pumping, I never left the house without my supplies. The hospital provided a pump, but I needed to bring everything else like an insulated bag, a hands-free bra, and my pump parts (valves, flanges, connectors, etc.). I often needed to pump multiple times while at the hospital, so having cleaning wipes formulated especially to clean pump parts were useful. 

Book/ Entertainment
One of the ways I passed the time at the bedside was by reading to my babies. On days when I was unable to hold them, it was nice to be able to strengthen our bond by reading. It also was a nice distraction from the stressors of the NICU.

While it is impossible to prepare emotionally for having a baby in the NICU, at the very least, you can feel that you have what you need to make it through each day.

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It's been 160 days. Over 5 months of trying to squeeze our whole lives into one house. I must admit I have noticed that as the months of COVID have continued on, without an end in sight, I have more and more moments of disconnect. There are times, when I just want to zone out in front of the TV or scroll mindlessly on social media. So I do! And then I remember something my Grandmother told me. She said, try to do one thing each day that can’t be undone. She wasn’t talking about cleaning or organizing, she was talking about connecting. Spending time with your children, listening to them, being present and making simple memories are the things that will remain forever. So here are a few of the easy things we have been doing to connect and enjoy this gift of time together, without ever leaving home.

Read a book
My kids love to read or listen to a book. While we are at home we have been reading lots of books out loud together. Many of the classics are readily available electronically through your local library. It’s fun to introduce my kids to books I enjoyed when I was young. If you have a reluctant reader/listener, try a “library lunch.” Read a book while everyone eats their food!

Bake something
It just feels like a good time to bake together. Find a new recipe online, or dig out an old family favorite. Measuring out the ingredients counts as homeschool math...right?

Have a picnic
Preparing 3 meals a day at home can make mealtime monotonous. But a picnic is a surefire way to mix things up. Of course, eating outside is always nice, but if the weather isn’t cooperating, or you don’t have a private outdoor space consider an indoor picnic. Spread a blanket on the floor and eat in your child’s bedroom, or put a sheet over the dining table to create a tent and eat inside it. 

Throw a “house” party
If your family is missing social gatherings, throw a party at home. Make up a reason to celebrate or have a good old-fashioned tea party. Plan the menu, make the decorations out of things you already have at home, and pick out the perfect party playlist. Consider inviting stuffed animals, dolls, and other assorted toys as your guests.

Have an at-home sleepover 
Make bedtime fun, by having a sleepover at home. My kids love sleeping in each other’s rooms, and this is a great time to allow that. Or gather up your sleeping bags and blow up the air mattress and have the whole family sleep together in the living room. Your kids will love it!

At a time like this when so much seems out of our control, prioritizing connection with our kids is so important. Try to set aside a bit of time each day to connect with your kids and make a memory that cannot be undone.

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I'm so excited to share my interview with fellow preemie parent Jamie C. Johnson with you on her book launch day! You can find her book Strong Faith: Daily Encouragement for Moms and Families of Premature Babies on Amazon. 
-Ali
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Please share your NICU journey.

I gave birth to my son Caleb on September 28, 2018 via emergency c-section. He was delivered at 32 weeks, weighing 4lbs 0.4oz. He stayed in the NICU for 49 days. Caleb is my first child. I dealt with a rollercoaster of emotions as I had no one to talk to about the preemie/NICU experience. Caleb had his ups and downs with weight, his heart rate & his breathing. It was hard to find a way to feed him and he not have an alarm. I had a difficult time producing milk which was a major blow to my esteem as a mother. I felt pressure and guilt from the nurses as they kept asking about when I was bringing milk or when I did give milk "oh, is that all?" Having to resort to formula was painful. We are vegetarians and we planned to keep things as natural/organic as possible.

Caleb had reflux and would vomit during many feedings. We tried several bottles & nipples. One of the nurses that I absolutely loved shared how some babies responded positively to "thickened feeds" (adding oatmeal to milk). I asked repeatedly to try it and my request was denied. I followed the NICU team's suggestions but I knew it wasn't working. When I told a nurse that it didn't work because Caleb was having bad alarms with me (which he rarely had) I was told that the head of the unit needed to see it not working for herself- which meant more alarms. I felt like they actually wanted him to have alarms. I was so angry that I wasn't respected as a mother. It took having a meeting with the head of the unit for my request to add oatmeal to Caleb's formula to be approved. Once we started it the alarms stopped and he began to gain weight more consistently.
The unresolved feeding issue was what kept Caleb from coming home. He passed all of his tests that were necessary for him to be released. He just needed 3 consecutive days of no alarms. To think that not being listened to as a parent not only delayed my son from coming home but also contributed to the many times his heart rate dropped and his breathing slowed is heart breaking. 

What gave you strength while going through the  NICU experience?

God was my main source! I prayed so much throughout our NICU journey-believing that Caleb would come home and not have to stay until his original due date. Joshua, my husband was such a rock. He was working the night shift at that time and sacrificed his sleep to ensure I could get to the hospital everyday (I was medically not allowed to drive most of the time as I healed from my c-section). My family & friends were great as well. They held me accountable when needed and even allowed me and supported me during my low days. My mom only missed 1 day at the hospital with me.

I found a song that ministered to me and kept me encouraged. I played it in Caleb's room everyday. I also found a book about an amazing boy named Caleb and read that to my Caleb everyday. I am grateful for technology! Being able to FT family and friends made quiet/lonely times conquerable.

Tell us about your organization, Build You Up Sisters.

Build You Up Sisters was created to provide opportunities for mothers of all walks of life from around the world to connect and support one another through love and sisterhood. We believe in the power of shared experiences to: foster Trust; give Encouragement; develop Relationships; and provide Support. The need for the sisterhood was noticed when our founder, Jamie Johnson became a mother to her amazing son who was born prematurely and was hospitalized for over 40 days. The many experiences she had led her to wonder about those that may not be as fortunate to have the support she did and the desire to connect and support mothers like her. BYU Sisters will soon have a cohort program to help moms become mompreneurs so that they can be financial contributors to their family while being active in their children's lives/education.

What inspired your new book?

While in the NICU I tried to find a book to help me through the process. I couldn't find anything that I could connect to. One day while spending time with Caleb I heard that I would write the book that I was looking for. From then I began writing out our experience and what I did to make it through as a mom of a premature baby.


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You can find Jamie on Instagram or her website. Her book is available on Amazon.